Tag: hospice

Mom’s Fridge “Curses” and Her Lasting Lessons on Food Safety

  

Mom, in her hospice bed, grinned at me with a twinkle in her eye when I joked, “Did you have something to do with that?”  

It’s no exaggeration to say that Mom had strong opinions about food safety—and let’s just say she found creative ways to make her point. Twice, in fact. This story involves two mysteriously doomed refrigerators, Mom’s stubborn (and possibly supernatural) influence, and some lessons about bacteria, mold, and how to keep your fridge clean without triggering chemical or fragrance sensitivities.

The Great Refrigerator Collapse(s) 

Peering into the fridge, pondering: Is it leftovers… or a science experiment waiting to happen?

Before Mom passed away, she tried to impress upon me the importance of the three-day rule: don’t keep leftovers longer than three days, or you risk breeding bacteria that could harm your health and contaminate your fridge. I brushed it off. After all, I’ve been fine eating week-old soup and casseroles my whole adult life! 

“Mom,” I told her, “I haven’t gotten sick yet.”  

She wasn’t impressed. “Yet,” she muttered while widening her eyes for emphasis.  

A few days later, my shiny three-year-old, bottom-freezer fridge—the one I’d laughingly nicknamed the Cadillac—died, out of nowhere. Mom, in her hospice bed, grinned at me with a twinkle in her eye when I joked, “Did you have something to do with that?”  

In the midst of post-COVID supply chain disruptions, I spent over a month fridge-less before finally getting the new one installed. Mom begged me to follow the three-day rule, scrub my brand new fridge frequently, inside and out, and keep bacteria at bay. I promised I’d try.  

But between her passing, sorting through her affairs, and caring for Steven, my companion–who was diagnosed with incurable, metastatic prostate cancer just two months after Mom’s death–I just couldn’t stick to the rules. 

As fate would have it, less than six months later, my new fridge stopped working, too—completely out of the blue. Coincidence? Maybe. But if you’d known Mom and her flair for making her point stick, you might suspect some supernatural meddling was at play! Was it Mom’s shenanigans, or just my bad luck?  

When your guardian angel has opinions about food safety—and possibly a hand in your fridge’s mysterious demise.

Well, shenanigans or not, I looked into it and discovered that Samsung refrigerators rank among the worst for reliability and repairs (Consumer Reports, 2024). Both of my previous units were the same Samsung model, ordered directly from the factory. To make matters worse, the most recent installation wasn’t as professional as I had expected, which could have damaged the cooling system. Mom’s message was about bacteria and food safety, but the fridge failures seemed like her way of underlining the importance of her advice. For the third refrigerator, I decided to play it safe on all fronts: I went with a trusted local dealer and installer, switched to the highly rated LG brand, and have been more diligent about cleaning and tossing older food.  

 

Food Safety Facts Mom Would Want You to Know  

Let’s talk science because Mom would want you to understand why she was so adamant. Here’s what I’ve learned since my double fridge fiasco:  

The Three-Day Rule  

Leftovers should be eaten or discarded within three to four days, according to the USDA. Harmful bacteria like Listeria monocytogenes can thrive in refrigerators, especially if food is stored too long. Unlike most bacteria, Listeria can grow at temperatures as low as 34°F, meaning even a properly chilled fridge isn’t foolproof.  

Reheating Properly  

Mom was never a fan of microwaves for reheating, and she was onto something. Microwaves often heat unevenly, leaving cold spots where bacteria can survive. Experts recommend reheating leftovers to an internal temperature of 165°F. For consistent results, use a stovetop or oven, which heat more evenly (Tagle & Gharib, 2024).  

Lingering Bacteria and Mold  

Here’s the part Mom tried to hammer home: bacteria and mold can thrive inside fridges. Studies show even clean-looking refrigerators can harbor pathogens like Salmonella, E. coli, and Aspergillus mold spores. These pathogens transfer to new foods through contact, contaminating fresh produce or stored meals (NSF International, 2013). Mold not only causes spoilage but can also trigger allergies and respiratory issues.  

SIBO and Autoimmune Vulnerability  

Mom’s fear of lingering bacteria wasn’t just paranoia—it was informed by her struggles with Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO). SIBO occurs when bacteria that should stay in the large intestine migrate to the small intestine, causing bloating, pain, and malnutrition. People with autoimmune conditions, like Mom, are more vulnerable to SIBO, even without heavy antibiotic use (Miele et al., 2009).  

Fridge Cleaning Tips (Non-Toxic and Mom-Approved!)  

Armed and ready: banishing bacteria and mold the non-toxic, fragrance-free way.

I’m finally following Mom’s advice to keep my fridge clean, and here’s how I do it:  

1. Empty It Completely: Once a month, take everything out.  

2. Use Natural Cleaners: Mix equal parts white vinegar and water, or use 3% hydrogen peroxide as a powerful, odorless bacteria killer. (Bonus: hydrogen peroxide also tackles mold.)  

3. Scrub the Shelves: Remove shelves and bins, wash them in warm soapy water, and wipe down interior surfaces with your cleaning solution.  

4. Dry Thoroughly: Mold thrives in moisture, so dry everything before putting it back.  

5. Check Expiration Dates: Toss anything questionable, especially leftovers lingering past the three-day mark.  

A Final Word of Love and Teaching  

Mom might have been laughing at me from the great beyond as I scrambled to replace two refrigerators. But what she really left behind wasn’t a curse—it was wisdom and love. She wanted me to stay healthy, even when I wasn’t ready to listen.  

Mom, I get it now. I’m cleaning my fridge, eating my leftovers or tossing them more quickly, and keeping bacteria and mold at bay. And to anyone reading this: listen to your moms. Sometimes, their last words stick in the most unexpected ways.  

References

Consumer Reports. (2024). Best refrigerators of 2024.  

– NSF International. (2013). Refrigerator food safety: How clean is your kitchen?  

– Miele, L., Valenza, V., La Torre, G., Montalto, M., et al. (2009). Small intestinal bacterial overgrowth in chronic inflammatory bowel diseases. World Journal of Gastroenterology, 15(12), 1424–1427.  

– Tagle, G., & Gharib, M. (2024, November 15). Reheating leftovers the safe way: Tips for avoiding foodborne illnesses. NPR.  

Posted on by Stacy V. 0

Believe

“Mom, if you’re really here like people say you are, then you better show me because I’m not feeling it. How about you find that tiny screw for me?”

Grief is a non-linear set of emotions that Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described as having five stages that ebb and flow across the lifespan following any significant loss. In her seminal work, On Death and Dying, she identified the stages as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance (1969), and later acknowledged that some people may not experience them or might not undergo all five (Health Central, 2022).

My own grief after her death centered heavily in the anger stage.  I feel robbed by her autoimmune disorder of what I hoped would become a different kind of relationship in which Mom and I could interact freely, in person, rather than by phone calls and letter-writing.  In a sense, I grieved the loss of our “normal” relationship as long as she was sick. My grief stage while she was alive was most prominently centered around denial. Even though I grew up from the age of nine with her disease, after becoming an adult, I set my hopes on her becoming well enough to engage more freely in the things of life together. I naively believed that one day, we’d be able to watch movies or cook meals together. I felt deep remorse over not having this while she was still here. For many years after leaving home, whenever I attempted an impromptu visit, Mom inevitably called the next day to say that she got sick after I left. I did not want to be the cause of Mom’s suffering, so this led to fewer and fewer in-person visits; I felt guilty for not attempting to see her more often.  I also felt isolated at key times of life, such as when my children were little, and while I went through a difficult breakup. Mom was always ready to listen over the phone and help in her ways, but I could not just show up at her home and be with her. 

There is a certain comfort and healing that comes from simply being in the presence of a trusted loved one without the pressure of conversation. Comfortable silences can be a language of understanding in a relationship. Telephone calls are not the best substitute for in-person relating because they presume a need to converse. Remaining silent for more than a few seconds often leads one or the other participant to conclude a phone call. One of the things that I grieve and feel angry about is that Mom and I never grew in our adult relationship with each other to be in each other’s presence, existing as our authentic selves, near to each other, and just being. Our phone calls, though cherished, became sounding sessions for my issues. She wanted to hear what was happening in my life, so I spoke. She did not often discuss what was happening in hers, mostly because she did not wish to “burden” me. Yet mutually bearing burdens is how relationships grow, and ours did not have that opportunity until Mom was actively dying and she needed my help during home hospice. For most people, hospice lasts about six months; occasionally, a hospice patient will live more than a year while receiving palliative services and treatments for their incurable conditions. President Jimmy Carter offers a good example of someone on the longer side of the hospice survival spectrum, having been in a hospice program for fifteen months at the time of this writing.  President Carter entered hospice one month before Mom did and was still functioning at an unprecedented level when his beloved, Rosalyn, passed away in November 2023. Like many patients, though, Mom lived for only a few weeks after entering hospice, and I was only able to be with her, in person, for the last seven days of her life.

In reflecting on her life and our relationship, I have self compassion for the fact that I’m angry about what was lost. I look to a time of acceptance, but for now, I take solace in the notion that anger is an energy (Lydon and Laswell 1986,  Lydon 2014) that can potentially avert its alternative, depression.

After Mom’s death, my middle child and I installed security cameras at her house to keep an eye on things when we couldn’t be there. A few weeks later, during the first battery change, I dropped one of the cameras’ tiny set screws into a rock bed below.  I wasn’t feeling Mom’s presence at all and wondered about other people’s experiences, saying they felt their loved ones around them. I got down on my stomach to search for the screw amidst a whole bunch of decorative stones and was pretty sure it would be impossible to find. I started talking [ranting] and demanded, “Mom, if you’re really here like people say you are, then you better show me because I’m not feeling it. How about you find that tiny screw for me?“

Well, I dug and dug and never did find the screw, but after a few minutes, I flipped over a certain rock, and what did I see? An engraved message from Mom. If not for dropping that screw, I really had no reason to be digging around down there, with such close attention, for many months, maybe years. I was indeed moved by this and felt her silent, guiding presence. It wasn’t as I expected it to be, but truly, her love felt tangible in that moment.

The engraved stone that I found in a rock-bed at Mom’s house.

References

Health Central, LLC. (2022, June 7). The five stages of grief [blog post]. Accessed on May 20, 2024 from https://www.healthcentral.com/condition/depression/stages-of-grief

Kübler-Ross, Elisabeth. (1969). On death and dying. The Macmillan Company, New York, NY.

Lydon, John. and Laswell, Bill. (1986). Rise [Song]. On Public Image, LTD, Album. Virgin and Elektra.

Lydon, John. (2014). Anger is an energy: My life uncensored. Dey Street Books/Harper Collins. New York,  NY.

Posted on by Stacy V. 0